sometimes, a circle does allow progress after all

I remember
I remember the shouting
the anger
the rage

I was young then
I was far from happy
I remember my screams
I remember my tears

oh, i remember the fears
the fear of loneliness
the fear of not being accepted
i've since discovered the beauty within both
but oh it took some time

there was the nagging wonder
if any smile would ever be genuine

heavy shit for a ten year old right?
i still think it's heavy shit for anyone
especially those of us devoid
of greased palm doctors

don't even get me started
on the god awful awkwardness of puberty
looking back, i don't blame the girls
i wouldn't have wanted to fuck me either

it's been ten years since
things didn't go as i had planned
do they ever?
only in the embrace of my own essence
have the others begun to emerge from the dark

so perhaps that acceptance we all crave
maybe you have to accept yourself first
and embrace it
and weather the storms of criticism
honestly
if you don't turn on the light
the rest of us can't see a damn thing

did that true smile
a ten year old boy
dreamt of in the dark
ever materialize?

.....

oh wait, I found it