Is it a blog? Is it a poem? maybe a little of both!

Breasts.

I've seen about three hundred breasts
in close to twenty one years of existence
(that's one hundred and fifty pairs, I'm not THAT suave)

mind you, we're speaking in realities here
we haven't even gotten into
my mild porn addiction
or the love of bawdy comedies,
revolving around male, beer-drenched, youthful debauchery
or even better, female debauchery
especially when the ladies in question are
of the attractive persuasion

i mean, let's be serious
who want to see you naked
when you look like Susan Boyle?
but i digress

let us not forget
the wonderful original programming
of our "premium cable television" stations
whether it be comedic, dramatic, or sometimes
"elegantly" pornographic

a slight aside:
to those affiliated with "skinemax" and related programs on other networks
the women yes are beautiful
and the storylines are just as entertaining
as your penetrating counterparts
but when filming simulated insertions
take some pride in your work.
this poor "actress" is vigorously performing fellatio
on the mid-torso area!
spare what little of her dignity remains
and direct her head to the crotch
i don't think that's asking much
just help me suspend my disbelief
but i digress

where was i?
oh yes, premium cable
original programming
where cussing, nudity,
and all the rest that those pesky puritanical censors
attempt to hide from American eyes
are not only allowed
but embedded to the point of nauseum

so let's estimate.
both on and off screen
I've seen five thousand breasts in my lifetime
(once again that's two thousand, five hundred pairs
for those reading who routinely put their trousers on backwards)
and I'm simply lowballing that number folks.
by the time you read this, that number will have increased.

you know, to think of it,
that's quite the staggering number
for twenty one years.
but let's make our one sided conversation
a little more interesting
maybe a little political
let's talk about sexual equality

for the exorbitant amount of tits i have seen
let's compare the amount of cocks i have seen.
I'm actually pretty sure of this number
I'd say I've seen maybe twenty dicks.
in real life.
in my life time.
I went to an all boy's catholic high school
and spent three years of college wasting time in a frat house
there is no scandalous story to be unearthed
sorry ladies.......... and men
i have seen even less on film....
excluding porn.
but then again,
in porn,
there are tits
in direct proximity to the dicks
even though those tits are sometimes outnumbered

(what is America's fascination with group sex anyways?
most of you will never experience it,
and you're better off.
honestly.
it's akin to twister,
but sweatier
and quite slippery as time progresses.
but i digress)

as for television of the non-pornographic sort
i have seen maybe fifteen to twenty pork swords
and yes i am lowballing once again
(oh stop snickering)
this has nothing to do with gay or straight
at least not in the terms of me making this observation
but maybe it does in the eye of the camera


maybe we're being inundated with tits.
i mean it makes sense.
keeping the sexual status quo of course.
the boys grow up to worship sex
not to mention see women as their sexual objects

on the opposite side of the coin
the girls grow up
to think their tits aren't big enough
or whatever nonsense the American media machine
beams into their easily permeable little minds
i mean we have shows
(with tits)
about plastic surgery
(still mostly about showing as much tit on E! as possible)

i mean paris hilton is a celebrity.
and no one really cared who she was until she got "leaked"
onto the internet naked with a cock in her mouth
(which, i add, she sucked with about as much enthusiasm
as her father probably did raising her)

kim kardashian is a celebrity.
pretty much same story
except both her ass and her tits are gigantic
and she showed much more gusto
than her waif-ish blonde counterpart

the girls who were blowing hugh hefner
got their own tv shows
as did the aforementioned useless cum dumpsters
but at least there are barely blurred out tits on "the girls next door"

it's all absolute dreck by the way

anyways back to balls on your television

I'm mildly impressed to say
that I've seen more cocks in the media
in the past few years
probably inspired by the rallying cry of gay rights
in fact it'd probably be 90% if not 100
of the cocks I've seen in the media altogether.
maybe it's that i prefer foreign films,
which pay less attention to American taboo
or that gay rights prominence i touched on earlier
maybe it's tolerance
or maybe the fact that Queer as Folk
is a damn good show

maybe the reason is
Hollywood is still a man's playground
i mean, Sophia Coppola
did leave Bill Murray's man-bits "lost in translation"

maybe equality of the sexes
only truly exists
as an impossibility.

or maybe the cold reality is that
there's nothing remotely attractive about a cock
and a nice happy rack
is a hell of a lot more interesting to look at
and i just wasted your time and mine